About Love

(i really thought, to love someone to this extent is impossible.)

i really want to talk about love, it's been a long time since the last time i share that feeling with someone else. and to be honest, maybe i forget some parts of those feelings. i don't know how to explain, because the way how i feel right now is kind of confusing.

confusing i mean, it is literally confusing. it is like, you feel all the love but at the same time, it's suffocating.

i have so much love to share, but i don't know how to. 

sometimes i feel sad. really really sad. my closest friends know it so well about the reason. is it weird? i don't know it's weird or not. all i know is, i don't want to belittle this feeling.

this is my own feeling, i want to treasure it.

because no one will respect it other than myself, yourself.

and the worst thing about "love" in my dictionary is: 

once i love someone, i don't know how to love less.

fucking hell.

"what should i do?" i've been asking myself that question so many times. 

to be honest, i don't do anything except accepting. and crying. mostly crying. there were always those days when everything got so overwhelmed and all i could do was lay on my bed. i can be so sad and in love at the same time and it made me exhausted. 

i have one heart and when i give it someone, it will always be him. it is not good, i think? because i'm letting myself to get hurt. willingly. 

envy in my veins to those people who could move on so fast. 

love in my 17th was like this:

"i want him to love me back, what if he doesn't love me back? where should i put my heart then?"

and love in my 27th is like this:

"i love him. i just want to make him the happiest ever. i want him to feel that he is loved. i want to give him unconditional love. i just want him to be happy. i want him to be happy."

ah really, i have so much love. please tell me how to love him less.