she stands in the narrow hallway, her hand stroking the dusty faded maroon wallpaper. she can feel the creaking of their crooked wooden tiles under. she doesn't hate it. even though the dim lights make it harder to see where to step, she knows her house more than anyone.
she passes doors of people she loves; remembering all things they love to do, guessing what words they put on the crumpled papers. sometimes, she draws a smile on their paper, or a tree, once a zombie, and many things. she piles them up near their doors, praying, wishing.
she knocks on the door three times. someone leans, knocks it back four times.
/
she walks to a room where he stays. the room he loves the most is the room without the light. that room isn't his bedroom but, only God knows how many hours he spent on that old gray sofa. he, right now, is sleeping. he, every time she looks at him, is pretty.
"don't sleep here. go to your room. you are going to get sick."
she touches his velvety skin, it's way too pale under his black shirt. she can feel it under her fingers. it hurts her because everything feels too real for a dream she couldn't reach.
he too, can feel his hands raise up and land on the hand of someone he falls in love with. he whispers very very softly, almost fading under his breathe, "you are here."
/
she puts him in his room without any sound. she leaves the room before her pain spreads to her spine. but she knows very well, once the door shuts, he will wake up and do all things he loves to do like everyone else.
she walks, she wants to be in her room too. but today, she realizes that she cannot go without saying anything. she, once again, open his door despite her heart is beating frantically, telling her about seconds she could take to step out from questions without answers.
he is awake. he sits still in front of his computer. he doesn't look at her.
she wants him to look at her.
"should i leave?" she says.
"i want you to stay," he whispers. "don't leave."
"the wall, it's kinda noisy today."
"it's your house anyway. they are just hurting for all things i did to you."
"it's not your fault," she says.
they stay silent because it is comfortable like that; if you could find comfort without a touch, this is how it would feel.
"someday, let's meet up under the sun," he says, he lifts up his face to the black screen in front of him. "like that day when you found me with my red sweater."
she feels like her eyes are burning, the pain spreads up up up to her neck, down down down to her spine.
"sure." she says with a weak smile. "i am going back to my room."
"how long can i stay here?"
"forever." she smiles. "stay here forever."
"it is my pleasure."
he says, he smiles, too.
/
(i yearn for you. and we know it too that we are bad at deciding fates. i can't explain it rationally, here i always try to stay sane because i know that you will always stay but to be honest i,
want to be with you.)
(isn't it a tragedy because your love for me is a full discourse presented by everyone except you?)
/
she always knocks on his door three times, he knocks it back two times.
200720